Catawampus me!!

Really crossed the line between addiction and obsession when you find that you are willing to go to any length to satisfy your urge..

And of all the “usual” urges, standing tall and uberly insistent, in my case is my obsession with reading!

Figure this…

Today , while doing the morning shift, I happened to request a friend of mine to email me a ebook pronto, and she being really a lovely friend, did so. I had to leave this book half way as my shift got over… For you see it was a book on magic.. give me witched\s, warlocks and wizards and a story and I lap it up like my sweety licks her bowl of coffee( she does it long after even the smell of coffee has disappeared and yes she drinks coffee)

Since I dont have net at home and incidentally my pen drive is borrowed by someone else, I was left with no option but to leave without the file…

However, once I reached home it dawned upon me that I wont be going to office until Sunday morning. And such a huge gap didnt go well with me. I forced my sis to come with me to the Airtel ppl to implore them to some how hasten their process of installation of inet connection only to be fed with a sad news that the area we live in doesnt have airtel coverage

Other smart ppl might have quit at this stage. But I bull – dozed ( read auto rickshawed) my sister to the nearest BSNL office where I was told that it would take nearly 1 week. Disheartened I decided to hit the nearest cyber cafe.

Only problem being, I didnt know the area well ( recently shifted). So I decided to comb the nearby areas to look out for cyber cafe. On the way, I found a circulating library and I was SO EXCITED… but to no avail.. God doesnt seem to have mercy on my poor novel hungry soul The LIBRARY was closed forever…

But being resourceful that I am, I asked him about the nearest cyber cafe. On given directions I realized that it was pretty close to my place, had I turned the opposite way. But now I had to cover double the distance.

Now  I have even more peculiar problem. Last time when we changed the chasis of our computer, the comp guy decided to remove the floppy drive as its obsolete. And we agreed as we got some reduction in pay as well as we had a brand new cd/dvd RW.. who wants the stupid floopy drive?

However, as it happened, for some reason even the dvd drive doesnt work. We havent gotten around to fix that yet. (Who needs that we have a pen drive).. So the solution was to buy a new pen drive. Big deal!

So I trotted down to the nearest cyber cafe ( the aforementioned, direction provided cyber cafe) . The cafe did have pen drive but not the denomination I wanted and they didnt take card.. And since all I carried was a CC and some loose cash ( 100-120 bucks) I had to ask for a shop that does take CC.

Ah you guessed it.. I again had to go the opposite way .. a long way! And then I reached the shop mentioned. But their CC swiping machine didnt work and they directed me to the Reliance digital shop which mercifully was just opposite to this shop. Also, with my usual resourcefulness I asked for the nearest cyber cafe!  ( Ah did you think I would walk all the back to the other cyber cafe? )

Finally after buying the pen drive, having a near collision accident and fighting with the stupid bike driver that caused it, somehow I managed to find the cyber cafe and download the books !

Oh yeah! nearly 2 hours  and a post later, I am ready to leave the cafe and go home and enjoy my book!

I hope I dont lose my way back… ( Knowing my propensities.. it is very much possible.. hopefully though it doesnt happen.. I do have a vague idea of the way back.. )

When I heard this as an excuse, I can’t say how blastedly angry I became! I spent the whole cab drive explaining him why this was wrong… I don’t think this made any difference to him ( my cab driver).

Well this is what happened.

We were in general talking about his family when he mentioned about a sister who got married after std 12th. When asked he said that the groom’s family planned to educate her but they had kids and that was it.

Over time, he revealed that his younger sister too is sitting at home ( waiting to be married) after 12th std. The reason being his parents are afraid of her well being, since they live in a conservative and very provincial small town.

When asked why he wouldn’t bring her to bangalore to educate her, he says, he is afraid or familial tension between her and his wife! Also, they never go against their parents as his parents wouldn’t want their daughter away from them.

Furthermore, I asked what he would do, if ever, his sister gets married and for some reason loses her husband? Would he be able to take care of her on his meager pay ( he already has 2 kids and planning a next one), he agrees it won’t be possible. He agrees that what I say makes sense ( that his sister must be self sufficient) however, he is not willing to convince to his parents!

The talk ended with this excuse!

How insufferably evasive!

Here I am .. all dressed up waiting for my friend to pick me up for the last event of the year/week/decade/month etc etc etc.. And I get this terrible urge to get all chatty .. and well so here I am.. writing this post .. which might be abandoned any minute now.

Year ends are always nostalgic..  or rather retrospection – inducive.

This year by far has been really terrible in many ways, but today, contrary to my usual habit I am not gonna dwell upon it. I am going to instead talk about the year that will come.

Each year, I make a list of resolution that I almost never live upto.. or even bother to look up again. So this time.. no resolution from my end.

This year, i did end up doing some stuff that I always wanted to do!

- Late night party.. or umm over night party.. I never thought I would do it.. but this christmas I did that and more.

- Getting fultoo drunk! I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.. at the same time, the embarrassment the next few days .. ah well I would rather no repeat it..

- I lost 10 kgs of weight!! yippie!! more because of the dengue fever that I was down with than coz of the exercise.. but what the heck I am thinner yippie!!!!

The new year, for me is going to be full of number of “first time”  without yous.. I guess this is going to be all the time now.. and I shouldnt dwell on it..

Ah and.. well.. yesterday was kind of a weird day for me. Of all the places in bangalore.. the area that I live in was under lot of tension as one of the leading actor of ‘Sandalwood’ had died. Incidentally he lived near by.. and died of natural causes.. and yet… well we all know what happened.

One of the most harrowing moment yesterday was when someone threw stone on the car window just outside our window.. and we were just standing by the window and looking at the hooligans having fun at others expense.. and we could do nothing about it..

This craziness doesnt make sense.. however we take heart from the fact that it was better than the last time.. but what we should be thinking is.. should it have happened at all ?

So since yesterday night, the most hot topic of discussion was.. should be go out for partying? what with mangalore incident and Raj kumar’s death.. is bangalore safe enough ?

I know my thoughts are a lot disjointed.. one of the reason is that I have been really busy with little or no sleep too!

We are finally shifting places. The whole experience of finding houses was so tiresome that I might one day make a post of it.. may be when I have caught my breath after packing + unpacking etc etc.. We are shifting on Saturday.. and yet I am stealing a lot of time to just go out and party!! I guess I shouldnt.. but what the heck.. 2010 comes only once no ?

Btw, I am so looking forward to my birthday cum house warming party!! And my new house.. its a gem! It was worth every painful sigh

Ah well my friend is here.. adieus guys for now!!

‘Who makes you feel the way I make you feel… ‘ the song resounded in my ears, and I was transported to those smokey nights. Nights, lit by the moon, Beams streaming through the window, spilling onto the bed. And I helpless, enthralled by you. Nights… with flickering shadows, dancing on the darkened walls, in the gentle light of the muted computer monitor. Music blasting in a more than normal volume to give us privacy while I gyrated to your whims…

Whispered, over the twisted, spiral lines, these words, I meant every one of them. Sung to you, I did, pouring in all my sensuous, still nascent desires.  I demanded ‘ who makes you feel the way I make you feel!’

And I find myself wishing it didn’t end. I find myself remembering, aching, hoping you remember them too.

Note no. 1.

Give others a break will you ? Atleast dont make their life harder than it already is.. you are not the only one who is grieving and you are not perfect Neither are others! Deal with it. Dont expect too much!

Note no. 2.

Its about time you changed jobs as you have been bored for a long time now. And if you cannot change your job(if you are too lazy!!) you better buck up and atleast do the job you have sincerely. It is sickly how you no longer have pride in helping people.

Note no. 3.

You have closed yourself to life experiences. It is not that adventures no longer happen to you. Its just that you have closed your eyes to them. And even if you notice them, the humor is lost to you. Lighten up.

Note no. 4.

Its healthy to accept that you are wrong when you are wrong. Easier said than done though. This twisted lil ego that you have needs spanking.

Phew!

How open are you guys with extra marital affairs? I know personally I wouldn’t ever be able to accept it when it comes to my spouse.. and yet, I recently met this female who was having an extra marital affair.. and all I could muster for her was profound pity and that left a bad taste in my mouth.

How desperately alone this female must be to have not one but two extra marital affair and yet not finding that elusive “comfort” that she was so desperately seeking.

My sister had a different take on it. She was like, I would never like to be friends with someone like her who has such a loose character.

For  some reason, I couldn’t agree to her. I felt it was not because of loose character but loneliness and  fear that kept her into the marriage. Not to mention the fact that she  is dependent on her husband financially.

But then again it waters down to the fact that she is cheating..  or does it ?

You sneak upon me unaware. sometimes through the cracks in the door, sometimes on the window sill.. at the back of the rarely moved sofa. Always uninvited.

I dont want to meet you anymore. I packed everything that was supposed to be yours in neat packages and locked into the lofts. You were not welcome anymore. And yet!

Yet, you linger. Alongwith the cobwebs, dust, and Sweety’s hair. Long after the house is swept clean. In that long forgotten age old passport photo, with that grim face that we teased you about. You linger in empty boxes and bags. As if telling us, you may hide me as much as you like, but I am still around and always will be.

As if you don’t want me to forget. I may lock your room but I can’t lock you.

Why do you linger?

Here we are again.. you and I. How the hell does this happen? There is nothing I wouldn’t give to have slept this day away. Nothing I wouldn’t give to not to be here. Not that I dont like spending time with you. I do, but lets face it, you become too over bearing sometime. What with your obscured logic and complicated emotions, the fangled ideas about self and stupid confusions. I can’t stand this utter self absorption of yours..

And yet here we are. Ready to whisper few words in silence. Together. May be to camouflage all that we feel, not just from everyone else, from ourselves too…

I didn’t mention in the last post a very interesting thing that happened to us.. Nearly after 7-8 years we had a relative stay with us for  days and these were the gamut of emotions I went through!

Day 1: I am so glad they are here! I wonder why we never kept much in contact!

Day 2: Now that they have come.. we should continue to keep in touch…

Day 3: Ah.. how can I forget why we stopped the contact! Its always better to maintain a distance. I hope I dont end up fighting with them.. just 2 days to go.. CONTROL!!

Day 4: Why don’t they just leave? :X :X :X

Day 5: Thank god they left. Am never gonna call them again

Let me just add.. they were umm.. uninvited guests